When I tell people I do foster care many of them say “I’d love to do that, but I couldn’t deal with letting a child go.” I’ll tell ya, me either. It was hard to say goodbye to such a great kid. She had been with us for nearly a year and was part of the family. But, she has her own family, and she’s where she belongs.

One of the coolest moments about saying goodbye was when her Mom gave my wife a hug and said “thank you”. That doesn’t happen a lot in foster care and it was pretty cool to see and was , well, gratifying.

During our foster care support group one of the new foster parents said “how do you let a child go that’s been with you for a long time.” A veteran foster parent (I believe she’s had 65+ kids come and go in her home) said “you grieve…and then you pray that God prepares your heart for the next child.”

So, we’re grieving…and preparing. God has a plan and he knows what’s coming next, and that’s what we’re trusting.

The first thing that popped in my head was “man she has a huge reward coming her way when she gets to heaven”. I imagined her walking into the pearly gates and God saying “Well done. Here’s is your reward.” And then points to a spread that would make Bill Gates’ house look like a doghouse.

I know a lot of people who say, “hey I just want to get IN, I don’t care if they put me in a tool shed, at least I’ll be there.” Ok, I guess. But how many of us in life live to “just stay alive”? Where’s the motivation for “more”? And not being greedy, but think about it. The God of the universe who created you and me has rewards for us. I don’t think God’s sitting up there with iPads to pass out, he’s got something special up his sleeve. Me, well, I don’t want to miss out on ANYTHING God has to offer.

We got Franklin the week after our honeymoon so he’s always been part of the Ruman house. As Lisa says “He’s is our first baby boy.”

Frank has had his brushes with death.

When Frank was a puppy we kept him in our bathroom at night (if we let run loose he would have torn the house apart, we know, we learned the hard way).

One morning I went to let Frank out. When I opened the door I saw the floor, covered in Tylenol pills. The dang dog had gotten into the medicine cabinet and got into our (Sam’s Club size) Tylenol bottle. We thought we were going to have a dead dog that day. But, a little gas was all that came from that.

We have a ton of memories with Frank. Taking him swimming at the cottage, hiking, driving, playing with the kids. Thankfully we take a lot of pictures, and a lot of videos.

Here’s one recent memory.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Franklin didn’t last a couple more days. We knew that night that we was fading away. He crawled into bed with us about 3AM and laid his head on my stomach. I didn’t sleep that night knowing what the morning had in mind for us.

The ride to the vet was rough. Franklin loved going for rides. He would bounce around like a kangaroo whenever the word was mentioned. Little did Frank know he wouldn’t be returning with us after that ride.

Saying goodbye sucks. I mean it really sucks. Frank was only 7 years old.

I didn’t want to leave the vet that day. And even after we did leave I wanted to sneak back in and kidnap Frank and take him hiking. But, I know what was best for him. He needed to be relieved of the pain his body was it.

Is Frank in heaven? I think he is. I think God knows how much some of the animals he made mean to us and wants us to be happy. Is that biblical? No, but, it’s what helps get though the pain.

I see Frank running though fields, peeing on every bush he meets. I see him playing with other dogs going on adventures together. And every once in a while I see him stop and listen for ‘ride!’ as he goes in circles to jump in the car with us.

Goodbye Franklin. You are missed.

After reading that question I set the book down and reviewed my life and I admit the answer was “no, or I don’t think”.

I mean there are a lot of things that I rely on God for but I’m not sure if there was anything I actually said “I can’t do this on my own and need your help Lord.”

And I don’t want this to seem like I don’t rely on God for anything. I know he leads my life but I was just stumped trying to figure this question out. It may help if you understood how I interpreted the question. “Mike, is there anything in your life your doing that you couldn’t do on your own?”

I don’t know.

In 2009 Lisa and I stepped out and did something that required faith. And I’ll be honest it has been rough, real rough. In those valleys we’ve been going through are when we surrender (or need to surrender) it to God. Easier said than done, right?

I struggle with that. With the “surrender” part. I like to call the shots, but I’m realizing there are certain things that I just need to trust in God on, and that scares me.

A popular quoted Bible verse is John 16:33. We love to quote the part “In this world you will have trouble.” But sometimes we forget to add the next sentence “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

And I read the “take heart” as “fear not”.

I know there are going to be more rough patches ahead. How rough? I don’t know. But, I’m relying on God for those. So, Lord, please help me recognize when I need you and help me surrender my life over to you.

So, your turn, is there anything in YOUR life that requires faith?

We’ve implemented Dave’s Commission System (with some of our own tweaks) and it seems work.

Here’s what we do (it may or may not work for you).

1. Each week we print off the chore list and post it on the fridge. (Here is a link to our Chores Template)

2. Each chore is worth a dollar amount, some are worth more than others.
3. If the child does the chore they earn that amount, if they don’t, they don’t.

Fairly simple, huh? We’ve come across a few problems with this system and added some tweaks.

Child doesn’t do certain chores.

• We added BONUS CHORE – Sounds cool, right? The bonus chore works like this:
  • We take the grid and cut out all the chores (done or not done) and place them in a hat. Child then draws a chore.
    • If they DID the chore that week they can either:
      1. Take a set dollar amount OR
      2. Roll a dice and get less than the set dollar or double it. (most times they roll the dice)
    • If they DIDN’T do the chore that week their pay isn’t affected at all. It’s a BONUS afterall.

Child doesn’t do chores at all.

• Limit TV, computer, or something else to completed chores.
• We don’t allow the child to get on TV or computer until chores are done. They don’t have to do the chores, but they also don’t get the privilege of going on computer or TV.

Is this a perfect system? No. But, it works for us. Will it work for you? Only you can answer that.

Rarrrr!

Yeah.

We ended up at the local bowling alley.

About 4 lanes down from us there was a group of people that many would refer to as, well, rednecks.

Tanks tops. Tattoos. Patchy looking facial hair. Budweiser.

These folks had a bunch of kids with them, probably 7 – 10 years of age.

And the kids were bowling with the parents. And they were having a blast.

Parents and the kids.

Sure they were loud, obnoxious, liquored up a bit, but everyone was there having fun.

Together.

Contrast that with the scene the following night at our local YMCA.

Organized basketball was going on in the gym.

Inside the gym it was filled with kids, probably 7 – 10 years of age.

Outside the gym it was filled with the parents. All of them on their cell phones.

Texting.

Talking.

Surfing the web.

Point is they were with their kids, but they weren’t with their kids.

I don’t know, maybe you’re like ‘so what? get to the point already!’.

My point is maybe we can learn a lesson from the bowling alley parents.

Growing up I played quite a bit of organized sports. I was decent. No Uncle Rico. But then again, who is?

And you know what? The memories I have today aren’t of baseball practice.

Or basketball practice.

They are of my family out on the boat.

Together.

Family camping trips.

Together.

Family doing nothing.

Nothing…together.

He talked about decision making and gave this illustration from one of the men in his church. I’ve added my own flavor to it.

This is what the typical decision making graph looks like:

The one flaw in that graph is that it assumes it’s equally as easy to make a good decision as it is a bad one.

In reality here’s what most decision graphs look like:

And then when we make the bad decision (cause it’s easier to slide down a hill than it is to climb stairs) we realize it and take a look at the path back to the good decision.

We not only have to stop the momentum of our bad decision but we have to climb back up the slide and still go through the hard work of climbing the steps up.

Hmmmm, make sense?

That’s the best word I can find to explain how I feel today. You see today we lost a son, albeit a foster son, but a son nonetheless.

Our 17 month old foster son, let’s call him Kyle, came into our world on Labor Day and he has been, well, a complete blessing to us.

We currently have a 2 year old of our own, so with Kyle that gives us 2 under 2. I’ll be honest I’ve struggled with having two boys under two. They are a lot of work.

Understatement.

But, they’ve been so much fun to have.

Here’s my Top 5 Memories of Kyle:

1. Watching Kyle “play” with the kitty (Ninja Ron).
   Let’s just say Kyle liked to ride the kitty like it was a miniature pony. It was cute, but not for the kitty. I think the only person glad to see him leave is the Kitty (Ninja Ron).
2. Kyle Making his mean face.
   At dinner the other night Kyle had a piece of bread. Kyle did his best “Hulk Smash!” impression and crushed the bread like he was, well, the Hulk. He also did this really funny/mean face and went “arrgh”. It was hil-a-ri-ous.
3. Bath time with the boys.
   Both boys get a bath at the same time, Lisa’s idea. I like to play a little game called “Red Light, Green Light” with them, Lisa doesn’t like the idea. But, there is a lot of splashing involved, a lot.
4. Seeing how Cooper loves on Kyle.
   Kyle has become Cooper’s best friend. When you give Cooper a cookie he says “Kyle?” and gives one to Kyle. The little guy cares, he loves, his little brother. Amazing what kids can teach you about love.
5. Kyle’s dancing.
   The little guy can ‘cut a rug’. Just put a little “If You’re Happy and You Know It” on and you have an instant dancing machine. I’ll miss that.

The house will be quieter tonight. Boys will not be fighting over the same toy.

The baths won’t be as wet. Splash won’t be as fun with just one little guy playing.

The dinner table will have one less mouth to feed.

And maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to sleep through the night…