This was my office, in Vail. #toughlife

Four days away from Lisa and our four (very young) children.

Did I feel guilty about this? A little. Should I feel guilty? No.

Every person should leave their family behind for these three reasons.

1. Recharge – Young children can be a bit draining on you … okay that is a bit of an understatement. Young children are very draining on you. They can, and will, burn you out. Getting away for a few days helps recharge the your mind and body.
2. Reflect  - Life moves at 1,000 MPH, we all know that. Spending a few days away from the family gives me time to think about all that is/has/is going to be going on. I end up thanking God quite a bit during this time.
3. Return – Coming back after a few days of being away makes returning home so … umm … awesome? Yep, awesome. I long to return home after being away. There is just something about opening the door and having the smiles of your kids and especially that beautiful wife of mine when I return. That, my friends, is priceless.

I get away for a few days every quarter. That works for me and my family. I can say fairly confidently that it’ll work for you as well.

I remember the day I got the call. It was a Friday afternoon and I was meeting in my office with a coworker when the phone rang, it was Lisa.

“You are gonna think I’m crazy, but there are twin 5 week olds, what should we do?” she said.

Without thinking I said “Sure, why not.”

Thing is Lisa was about 3 months pregnant at the time and your chances of getting babies in foster care are slim to none, so I figured we had about a 10% chance we would get them. And that may be guessing a little high.

When I got home from work we got the second call saying come to the hospital to pick them up. “WHAT?” Excitement, fear, and about 10 other emotions went through my mind. And then I thought “oh crap, I gotta get a crib put together” (thankfully we could put both babies in the same crib). So Cooper and I went to work and Lisa went to the hospital to meet our new foster babies.

Lisa didn’t get home till late that night with the two little bundles of joy. They were so small. I mean like 4lbs each small. So small I was scared to hold them.

I remember Little Girl looked like she was gonna take her last breath at any minute. So frail. So precious. She was in rough shape. She had spent the first 15 days of her life in the ICU.

Mr.Peepers, well, he was a cutie since day one. Just a cute kid, still is.

We have a TON of stories that have happened between that night and now, so many. One day I will put them all in a book, a book called “What We’re We Thinking?” or something like that. For now this is all I have time to write.

It’s been a long 11 months with the twins, and Cooper, and then Sydney. Not much sleeping at the Ruman house, but God has provided rest, a little, well enough. This Sunday’s sermon was about “Give us today our daily bread.” And God has done that, every single day.

The future of the twins is sitting down at the courthouse now. We are patiently waiting to see what their future holds. If we get the nod we would love to be their forever family, but we also support whatever the legal system decides. I do pray for bio Mom and Dad. I cannot even imagine what their last 11 months have been like. I know what ours has been; tough, rewarding, emotional, draining, joyful, and much more.

Happy Birthday Little Girl and Mr.Peepers. Love Mommy Lisa and Daddy Mike. :)

One thing that has been on my mind recently when it comes to foster parenting is the way I’m seeing biological parents being portrayed/treated. We all signed up to do this for the kids, but I think there is a HUGE opportunity to show God’s love, God’s grace, and God’s mercy to the biological parent.

We could go on and on why the biological parents don’t DESERVE love and respect. They’ve done some awful things to these children. BUT what if we showed them compassion? What if we showed them love, God’s love? What if we said “I don’t care what you did, let’s get you better and get you your kids back.”

We don’t know what sort of life the biological parents have gone through. I put myself in their shoes. What if I was beaten all my life? What if I was broke with 4 kids to feed? What if my family disowned me? I’m not saying those are excuses for what they’ve done, I’m just saying step back for a minute and think about that.

These parents are hurting. They’ve had complete strangers come into their home and take away their kids. Kids they DO love.

I’m as guilty as anyone for making biological parents sound like monsters. I need to stop. Will you join me?

I stepped back and looked at my life and thought “what am I an expert in?” Not trying to be cocky, but just wondering what do I know a lot about. I narrowed it down to three things.

PUBLISHING

Seeing as I’ve spent the last 7 years in publishing I figured I know quite a bit about it, specifically Christian publishing. I’ve worked at Zondervan and now David C Cook in multiple roles at each. I’ve spent time in Finance, Sales, and now I’m the Director of Internet Marketing at David C Cook, which brings me to my next area of expertise.

INTERNET MARKETING

I can’t claim to be an expert in this field, but I do know a lot and I’m always learning more about it. I figured this is one area I can focus in on and give back.

FOSTER PARENTING

My wife and I have been foster parents for a little over a year now, which does NOT make us experts, but we did learn a TON. I’m always getting asked about ‘why’ and ‘how’ of fostering so why not make that another level of focus on the blog.

So there you have it, my three areas of expertise. I will however post about random things that happen in my life that may or may not have anything to do with either of those topics. This blog is a good spot for me to vent, so I may will use it to vent. I apologize in advance for those.

When I tell people I do foster care many of them say “I’d love to do that, but I couldn’t deal with letting a child go.” I’ll tell ya, me either. It was hard to say goodbye to such a great kid. She had been with us for nearly a year and was part of the family. But, she has her own family, and she’s where she belongs.

One of the coolest moments about saying goodbye was when her Mom gave my wife a hug and said “thank you”. That doesn’t happen a lot in foster care and it was pretty cool to see and was , well, gratifying.

During our foster care support group one of the new foster parents said “how do you let a child go that’s been with you for a long time.” A veteran foster parent (I believe she’s had 65+ kids come and go in her home) said “you grieve…and then you pray that God prepares your heart for the next child.”

So, we’re grieving…and preparing. God has a plan and he knows what’s coming next, and that’s what we’re trusting.

The first thing that popped in my head was “man she has a huge reward coming her way when she gets to heaven”. I imagined her walking into the pearly gates and God saying “Well done. Here’s is your reward.” And then points to a spread that would make Bill Gates’ house look like a doghouse.

I know a lot of people who say, “hey I just want to get IN, I don’t care if they put me in a tool shed, at least I’ll be there.” Ok, I guess. But how many of us in life live to “just stay alive”? Where’s the motivation for “more”? And not being greedy, but think about it. The God of the universe who created you and me has rewards for us. I don’t think God’s sitting up there with iPads to pass out, he’s got something special up his sleeve. Me, well, I don’t want to miss out on ANYTHING God has to offer.

We got Franklin the week after our honeymoon so he’s always been part of the Ruman house. As Lisa says “He’s is our first baby boy.”

Frank has had his brushes with death.

When Frank was a puppy we kept him in our bathroom at night (if we let run loose he would have torn the house apart, we know, we learned the hard way).

One morning I went to let Frank out. When I opened the door I saw the floor, covered in Tylenol pills. The dang dog had gotten into the medicine cabinet and got into our (Sam’s Club size) Tylenol bottle. We thought we were going to have a dead dog that day. But, a little gas was all that came from that.

We have a ton of memories with Frank. Taking him swimming at the cottage, hiking, driving, playing with the kids. Thankfully we take a lot of pictures, and a lot of videos.

Here’s one recent memory.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Franklin didn’t last a couple more days. We knew that night that we was fading away. He crawled into bed with us about 3AM and laid his head on my stomach. I didn’t sleep that night knowing what the morning had in mind for us.

The ride to the vet was rough. Franklin loved going for rides. He would bounce around like a kangaroo whenever the word was mentioned. Little did Frank know he wouldn’t be returning with us after that ride.

Saying goodbye sucks. I mean it really sucks. Frank was only 7 years old.

I didn’t want to leave the vet that day. And even after we did leave I wanted to sneak back in and kidnap Frank and take him hiking. But, I know what was best for him. He needed to be relieved of the pain his body was it.

Is Frank in heaven? I think he is. I think God knows how much some of the animals he made mean to us and wants us to be happy. Is that biblical? No, but, it’s what helps get though the pain.

I see Frank running though fields, peeing on every bush he meets. I see him playing with other dogs going on adventures together. And every once in a while I see him stop and listen for ‘ride!’ as he goes in circles to jump in the car with us.

Goodbye Franklin. You are missed.

After reading that question I set the book down and reviewed my life and I admit the answer was “no, or I don’t think”.

I mean there are a lot of things that I rely on God for but I’m not sure if there was anything I actually said “I can’t do this on my own and need your help Lord.”

And I don’t want this to seem like I don’t rely on God for anything. I know he leads my life but I was just stumped trying to figure this question out. It may help if you understood how I interpreted the question. “Mike, is there anything in your life your doing that you couldn’t do on your own?”

I don’t know.

In 2009 Lisa and I stepped out and did something that required faith. And I’ll be honest it has been rough, real rough. In those valleys we’ve been going through are when we surrender (or need to surrender) it to God. Easier said than done, right?

I struggle with that. With the “surrender” part. I like to call the shots, but I’m realizing there are certain things that I just need to trust in God on, and that scares me.

A popular quoted Bible verse is John 16:33. We love to quote the part “In this world you will have trouble.” But sometimes we forget to add the next sentence “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

And I read the “take heart” as “fear not”.

I know there are going to be more rough patches ahead. How rough? I don’t know. But, I’m relying on God for those. So, Lord, please help me recognize when I need you and help me surrender my life over to you.

So, your turn, is there anything in YOUR life that requires faith?

We’ve implemented Dave’s Commission System (with some of our own tweaks) and it seems work.

Here’s what we do (it may or may not work for you).

1. Each week we print off the chore list and post it on the fridge. (Here is a link to our Chores Template)

2. Each chore is worth a dollar amount, some are worth more than others.
3. If the child does the chore they earn that amount, if they don’t, they don’t.

Fairly simple, huh? We’ve come across a few problems with this system and added some tweaks.

Child doesn’t do certain chores.

• We added BONUS CHORE – Sounds cool, right? The bonus chore works like this:
  • We take the grid and cut out all the chores (done or not done) and place them in a hat. Child then draws a chore.
    • If they DID the chore that week they can either:
      1. Take a set dollar amount OR
      2. Roll a dice and get less than the set dollar or double it. (most times they roll the dice)
    • If they DIDN’T do the chore that week their pay isn’t affected at all. It’s a BONUS afterall.

Child doesn’t do chores at all.

• Limit TV, computer, or something else to completed chores.
• We don’t allow the child to get on TV or computer until chores are done. They don’t have to do the chores, but they also don’t get the privilege of going on computer or TV.

Is this a perfect system? No. But, it works for us. Will it work for you? Only you can answer that.